Especially when you cry over the same reason, over and over again. Psh. I need chocolates. :|

No, it's not that I'm putting them first. But he's still my friend. And he'll remain as my friend. I don't want anything from him.

Why is this so hard? :(

Akala ko kasi okay na tayo. :( Masaya tayo eh, sabay prom lang pala ang katapat para mag-away ulit tayo. Yun lang pala. Eh kung alam ko lang yun sana di nalang ako nag-prom. Malay ko ba.

I won't be posting blogs here if I was happy. :|

Did you even remember those? I do. I can still remember all the little details. Never did I doubt you. You were like a boyfriend-best friend all in one. I used to tell random stories to break the silence when we're together, you'd do the same when my story stops. But when I can't tell any, you usually look at me. Then you hold my hand. We exchange glances for a little while waiting who'd make the first move. Damn, your eyes were mesmerizing, when I start to look at you I don't know when I should look away. I can't get enough.

You used to play for me. Even though I didn't ask you to. It makes my heart melt. You don't need a great voice to make me smile. You're voice is amazing. You usually look down when your playing the guitar, I don't even know if because of me or you don't really know the chord. I find it really cute.

You come over my place right after your guitar lessons in Alabang just to see me last summer. I just love how you effort.

You were so sweet. I just miss it. But friends would be enough.

I realized things today.

What we were before would only be a memory. Though it still pains me to accept this. I don't know if you're trying to bring it back. All I know is, I gave up on it already.

I still cry for the same stupid reason. And waking up feeling like you just want to lie down all day. Let your body rot until you don't breathe.

I act like I don't know you. I don't know why, I don't know how I do it. I just hate it. And yet, I'm still doing it.

Those were pretty much going through my head awhile ago. And yesterday. :(

Every atom of me, misses you.

I really don't know what happened. Was it the break up that made us feel like this. Or is it when you started to keep your distance from me. Everytime I think about this, about what we are actually now, all I get is this blank stare. Then, I'd suddenly cry.

I had issues. And I wasn't very open to you after the break up. I really don't know, but after all that all I wanted was for us to be back to where we started. I was really happy back then. I don't know why, but I never thought of committing myself once again. But I did, for you, actually.

I miss the times where simple things would make me smile. That's what I'm asking for now. I don't need you to give me things on monthsaries or some special occasions. All I wanted was your company. You know, you're like my best friend -slash- boyfriend at the same time.

Everytime I receive a text message from some random person, I kinda wished it was you. You and your sweet words. That's what made me like you a lot. It's not your dimples and your smile and you and your guitar tricks. It's actually those sweet, thoughtful letters you gave me.

I'm still jealous about your previous love interest. That's why sometimes I suddenly don't approach you. I can't help it. I really can't, I'm just scared that you would leave me for her. I don't know if you can do that, but just in case. I'm really upset about it. But I can't do anything. My pessimist side is showing.

I can't stop the pride thing. I really can't. I want to. Wish it was that easy to remove my pride. Guess if I've been gentle about your feelings then I guess we won't be in this difficult situation. I'm kinda trying to lose the pride thing, starting it off here.

I am still inlove with you. Deeply and madly inlove with you. That's why I acted stupid. I never thought it would cause you pain. And yeah, sorry. I love you.

I really don't know why I'm typing this. Maybe it's because, I know you won't read this here. And I want to pour everything out before I go insane.

Ui babe. I love you. IRLY & INLY I hope you wouldn't too. I'm not placing this because you messaged this. I'm saying this because you just said the words that I was trying to say long before, but was afraid to say.

That's pretty much it. Tearing up again for no reason.

Wish I'd be really happy.

I hate it when people catch me in a bad mood, and starts to talk sarcastically. I hate myself when I have a bad day. PERIOD. I hate myself for crying myself to sleep every time because of this bullshit that's going through my head.

You want to talk this over. Then, we'll be okay again. But what if I don't want to talk? Does that mean that I don't want to fix this?

But majority of the time, I would just slap myself because I knew we've gone through a lot. That it barely kept me sane. And now I would just say... "I'm leaving you because you'll be happier with her."

But when saying those words in my mind, trying to find a good sentence to lessen the pain, I realized that you'd be miserable without me.

THIS. IS. BULLSHIT. If I can, I've hung myself over a tree, run through glass windows and jump off cliffs. But no, I only have one fucking life. And I guess, I should live it to the fullest.

Sometimes, I just want to talk to myself. It sounds weird but I need to encourage myself to do what I want, and what would really make me happy. Because the way I see it, I make my own happiness.

I just need some enlightenment.

Sorry heart. You're suffering, I need to save you before you can cry yourself to death. Sorry. T'was hard. Really.

And when you agreed with me leaving you, I felt weak, real fucking weak.

Deleted all my posts today. It just brings too much memories. And it makes me cry. Really cry. To people who think that my pride is slowly eating me, it's true. But I am still fragile, bitches. That's is. All of a sudden I feel like a total idiot typing all these things.